Decisions/Decisions/Decisions

I have missed my precious blog. I really do love it & my 15 followers...truly.

I apologize if my thoughts are scattered. I just got back from Peru. I think the mixture of 24 hours of airport food, culture shock and OVERLOAD of starbucks has me all over the map.

I can't wait to share what I learned in Peru. But that is for another day (s). I'm still figuring out what city I am in.

On January 14 of this year, I asked Jesus this question. "Where do you want me when I graduate."
I then spent the next 30 days, asking the exact same question to Him and getting exactly different responses every day.

January 14
Me: Where do you want me when I graduate?
Jesus: I want you to be where I can be closest to you. I don't want to be apart from you. I want to be as close to you as I can be. Which "option" do you think gets you there?

Looking back at Jesus' response, I just can't believe it. He said that to me?? Do you see/feel/taste/touch the weight of that statement. JESUS, creator of the world, the Beloved, the Most High, the Savior of the WORLD, the beginning and end, the Everlasting, the Lamb that was slain, the Prince of Peace...That man wants to get as close to me as He can.

January 19
Me: where do you want me when I graduate?
Jesus: Where do you do want to go when you graduate?
Me: I think I want to stay here.
Jesus: Why do you just think you want to stay here?
Me: cause is there really something for me to do up here? would it really be the best for me?

Anyone who has ever made a decision in their life knows the power of dilemma.
what shampoo do I buy? do I want my hair to be extremely voluminous? or salon soft? heaven forbid we combine the two....
What should I eat for dinner. Actually, this one is not tough for me. Whatever you do, always choose pizza. you'll never go wrong.
Do I buy this book or that one?  Inside or outside? hot or cold? black or white? bike or drive? skirt or shorts? to be or not to be...we all know your decision, Hamlet.
up or down?

Stay in fort collins? Trust HIM?--even though I don't have any clue why I can feel the Father's heart saying STAY HERE. Every logical fiber of my being says WHY? where will you live? where will you find a job?

But I couldn't shake it. When you feel the heart beat of Heaven, stay there. Don't move. Camp out. Pitch a tent. Make a fire. Invite people over. Don't move until He does.

January 30
Me: Where do you want me when I graduate?
Jesus: With Me.
Me: Well, where are you?
Jesus: I'm with you.
Me: Well, where am I supposed to be?
Jesus: with Me.
Me: Ok, I know that. But like you know...logistically speaking.
Jesus: I don't speak in logistics. I speak in terms of dreams. I see your dreams. I know the deepest groaning of your heart. and it makes me joyful to get you there. But I want to be with you. I want to do it together. as a team.
Me: Wow. we get to be on the same team?! That's pretty cool.

The place of dreaming is also the place of your permission.
Logic cannot cause you to inherit. You inherit through dreaming.

February 6
Me: Where do you want me when I graduate?
Jesus: You know, my child. You know. You know where I'm asking you to stay.

So I stayed. In Fort Collins.

I was in. All in. I am in.

And I can tell you right now that I am absolutely living the dream.
About a month and a half later, I got a job offer in Fort Collins at the T.V. news station here. I get to spend another two years with the people that mean the most to me.
I love this city.
And most importantly, I get to step closer and closer into intimacy with Jesus.

Who knew...oh wait. He did.

Any decision. Big or small. step into what He is saying. It makes it SO much easier. I take that back. It doesn't make it easier. It makes it WORTH it. He is worth it.

I have pages of promises from the Father for this next season of my life.
Wherever you are at in life, whether you're deciding where to move or what brand of bread to buy--just DIVE into Heaven's rhythm. You'll be so thankful you did. Plus, you get to see Jesus working on your behalf. There is nothing like it.

February 7
Me: And then it hit me.
I decided to trust Jesus yesterday morning. I relinquished control of my future to HIm. I gave up something totally trusting that God will provide abundantly. That He has got me covered. Graham Cooke says, "If your head rules your heart, you'll be denied by your own caution. Joy, thanksgiving & rejoicing is the means by which you will both access and appropriate His nature and desire."
I don't know what is going to happen with everything. But I do trust Jesus. I don't know what this next year is going to look like. But I do trust Jesus. The Lord is my Shepherd. I shall not want.

May 20
Me: I love being on this cool team. Bring it on.